God's Timing

So most of you know dad is in the hospice now. He's been there for almost two full weeks. He is the most precious man I've ever known. He doesn't talk to us anymore but the way he raises his eyebrows and half grins when mom rubs his feet...its precious. The way he blinks and squeezes our hands when we tell him we love him, its precious. The way he grunts when we read scripture to him...precious (as long as it means amen and not OUch im in pain.) All the nurses come in constantly and wake him up...which we would rather them not....but they just cant get enough of him because he's so precious.

I was talking to a friend the other day and she was asking me how I felt and honestly most days I have no idea! I know i feel tired. But emotionally I just don't know. It feels like a crazy mixture of sadness,numbness,a little bit of anger (though i try not to),fear,and just weirdness. Somedays I don't feel anything. Its just crazy what your body does when you're in a situation like this for such an extended amount of time.

Today I was alone at the hospice with dad for a while and I just had this overwhelming desire to cuddle with him again. The nurses would probably yell at me if i climbed onto bed with him..It just keeps hitting me all the things that we cant do anymore. For example, a couple weeks ago when he was still kind of talking, I came home freaking out (just a bit dramatically) about what to do with my life and needing direction and he grabbed my hand and explained to "his babygirl" that i have plenty of time and it will all work out etc and though it was nothing profound i just realized how loong it had been since he had given me advice. I really miss that. He always knew what to do.

Anyways to get to the title of all this....God's timing. I was getting a little frustrated with God's timing because I felt like this was all just dragging on and its so hard to watch him suffer and its so hard on mom...its just hard and being a person obsessed with comfort and ease...well i just kept asking God why he hasn't taken dad yet... And today I got the answer. We have a friend who is not a believer come to visit dad and ended up having a looong discussion about salvation. Dad had been ministering to this person for quite some time before he got sick but nothing seemed to stick. Maybe that conversation wouldn't have happened had dad not provided this opportunity still being at the hospice. I know the Lord works all things for the good of his people and for his own glory and I know this situation is no different. I pray that many would come to see him in new ways or come to know him for the first time because of Dad's journey.

I feel so blessed to have a Dad that loved me so much, treated me like his princess (which im sure brent wishes he wouldn't have endulged quite so much haha) and taught me so much about my savior. He is leaving behind such an amazing legacy and I cannot wait to hang out with him in Heaven.

Thank you all for the prayers!