a glimpse...

Soo i had quite a few reservations with starting a blog...one being im not quite sure i have much to say worth your time. But im trying it out. The last nine months of my life have been a whirlwind and definately not the way i would have imagined or planned... Here's a glimpse of my life and my mind and my heart. I welcome you to be apart of my journey as the Lord, in his faithfulness and goodness, guides my paths and teaches me about life and about his Character.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

God's Timing

So most of you know dad is in the hospice now. He's been there for almost two full weeks. He is the most precious man I've ever known. He doesn't talk to us anymore but the way he raises his eyebrows and half grins when mom rubs his feet...its precious. The way he blinks and squeezes our hands when we tell him we love him, its precious. The way he grunts when we read scripture to him...precious (as long as it means amen and not OUch im in pain.) All the nurses come in constantly and wake him up...which we would rather them not....but they just cant get enough of him because he's so precious.
I was talking to a friend the other day and she was asking me how I felt and honestly most days I have no idea! I know i feel tired. But emotionally I just don't know. It feels like a crazy mixture of sadness,numbness,a little bit of anger (though i try not to),fear,and just weirdness. Somedays I don't feel anything. Its just crazy what your body does when you're in a situation like this for such an extended amount of time.
Today I was alone at the hospice with dad for a while and I just had this overwhelming desire to cuddle with him again. The nurses would probably yell at me if i climbed onto bed with him..It just keeps hitting me all the things that we cant do anymore. For example, a couple weeks ago when he was still kind of talking, I came home freaking out (just a bit dramatically) about what to do with my life and needing direction and he grabbed my hand and explained to "his babygirl" that i have plenty of time and it will all work out etc and though it was nothing profound i just realized how loong it had been since he had given me advice. I really miss that. He always knew what to do.
Anyways to get to the title of all this....God's timing. I was getting a little frustrated with God's timing because I felt like this was all just dragging on and its so hard to watch him suffer and its so hard on mom...its just hard and being a person obsessed with comfort and ease...well i just kept asking God why he hasn't taken dad yet... And today I got the answer. We have a friend who is not a believer come to visit dad and ended up having a looong discussion about salvation. Dad had been ministering to this person for quite some time before he got sick but nothing seemed to stick. Maybe that conversation wouldn't have happened had dad not provided this opportunity still being at the hospice. I know the Lord works all things for the good of his people and for his own glory and I know this situation is no different. I pray that many would come to see him in new ways or come to know him for the first time because of Dad's journey.
I feel so blessed to have a Dad that loved me so much, treated me like his princess (which im sure brent wishes he wouldn't have endulged quite so much haha) and taught me so much about my savior. He is leaving behind such an amazing legacy and I cannot wait to hang out with him in Heaven.

Thank you all for the prayers!

3 comments:

  1. Your strength and peace through all off this has really inspired me. I pay often that God would give me even a small percentage of the faith and trust for God perfect plan that you have. I pay for you and your family constantly, brittany.

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  2. Britt-Britt. I sat in a hospital for two weeks while my Dad was in a coma. I was 14 at the time. It hurt when they turned the respirator off when there was no hope. Then God and time healed me. KNowing where he is and what he did for me. I love your Dad and have great memories with him. Trips, playing golf, working outside. I will never forget him.. You will make it.
    Love,
    Bo

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  3. yes, he was such an amazing man. you know, there was never a time where i felt more loved and at home than when i was talking to your dad. I was truly blessed to be a part of your family and experience the gospel through your family. I remember when i first became friends with you and came over to your house and there was something different about you guys and i wanted to know what it was.. there was so much love and hope that i could see that i had never experienced before. I love you guys and as i sit here and remember your dad all i can do is smile. All the wonderful memories pour over me from our beach trip together.. to our first cigars.. to making a fort and your dad telling us ghost stories.. i cant even name all of them. I just know that i am thankful. Thankful for you, your family, and your amazing father.. because God used ya'll to show me christ.

    i love you sweet friend. and i am always here. praying for you always.

    -co

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